Miss Understood

I’m an introvert and I like it...


I am tired of being misunderstood.  I’m tired of other people thinking I’m intimidating, arrogant and anti-social. I’m tired of people thinking if I just tried a bit harder I’d really love social gatherings and engaging in hours of directionless conversation.  I'm tired of being tired...


Simply put introverts are drained by socialization...it takes a lot out of me when I do it.  The world in which we live seems to reward and praise the extrovert, even if it borders on what I, an introvert, would consider manic!  And people think I’M crazy!


Honestly, large social gatherings aren’t particularly fun for me, albeit with friends, family or strangers. I am not missing out on anything. I don’t miss it because I don’t want it. This is how introverts feel about social situations. If I wanted to hang out with a dozen people at once, engage in mindless chit-chat for hours, believe me I would.  Even my husband’s family, which is extremely large, doesn’t get me, and I’ve been involved with them for 20 years! 


This is not to say I am not social. It’s just that I take socialization in little pieces and prefer to be more situationally sensitive. I excel at one-to-one interaction.  Any client of mine will tell you that.  Give me a laboring woman and…HELLO…I come alive!  I prefer solo activities which engage my mind. This doesn’t mean I never hang out or participate in large groups; it’s just that unlike an extrovert, I don’t need to. And that’s an important distinction.


So don’t be confused or misunderstand my behavior. I have a very vast, rich and full life. I have a wonderful family.  I’m into birth, babies, families, running a doula business and interacting with wonderful, thoughtful people. I do go out to great restaurants, see fabulous concerts and shows, and enjoy hanging out with my family and a few close friends.  I read.  I think.  I spend hours listening; it’s amazing what you hear on the wind and what floats back when you keep your mouth shut.  Sometimes the things I hear about myself hurt…devastatingly so.


So I’ve put together a list for dealing with me. These are general tendencies and patterns. I don’t care if you follow them; I just want you to understand them and therefore; me...


1. Don’t put me on the spot and expect me to perform.


This one is mainly for other adults. I can be somewhat awkward in social situations, so don’t misinterpret my behavior as a deficiency in hearing, sight or language processing.  I’m not an idiot and I’m not being a bitch. When you ask a question there may be a delay in my response and I could talk in a soft monotone, avoiding eye contact. When I’m comfortable with my surroundings I’m extremely verbal and my tone is very expressive.  I have a photographic memory but I need quiet to activate it.


2. Don’t throw me into complex social situations and expect anything but silence and withdrawal. At least at first.


To an introvert this is a no brainer. To an extroverted world an introvert‘s natural response to social stress can be misinterpreted as aloofness or arrogance. It is neither. I simply feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed. I eventually warm up, let me.


3. I need time to get used to you. Don’t take it personally if I don’t immediately engage you because you said hi.


Introverts need time to warm up to someone. Once they let you in, they can be quite talkative and physically demonstrative. Until then though, don’t expect much. I am not being rude and it has nothing to do with how I feel about you personally.  Be patient.  I’ll eventually talk your ear off.


4. I recharge my batteries by being alone. Don’t take offense if I leave and go off by myself for a while.


I have been known to disappear at family functions, conferences or even workshops during sessions, lunch, coffee breaks or when I feel overwhelmed.  I am not being anti-social.  I process information internally. I need to look inward to find my center and make sense of new information or an unfamiliar situation. An extrovert looks externally to accomplish the same thing. It’s really not a big deal...I always come back!


Introverts are like layers in an onion. You just have to be patient. Some onions are just harder to peel than others.  And I have many, many layers.  You'd be surprised at what you find when you start to shed them...

Whew!

Well, can you believe it's March already? I certainly can't and the weather isn't co-operating either! It's only the 7th and I have attended 4 babies since the first. Last week was very difficult for me as well, more so because one of my April mommies lost her baby. Stillbirths are brutual, my heart breaks for my clients whom were so looking forward to bringing this baby home. I still haven't really processed what I need to, the activity of the other births have kept me somewhat sane and for that I'm glad...

On a lighter note...Monica is now officially certified through DONA International. I couldn't be prouder of her! She is definitely on her way! Chantelle also completed her birth doula training, although was very disappointed that 2 of the births she was scheduled to attend with me as a mentor delivered on the weekend she was away - on the SAME day, within hours of each other. I'll have to find more for her, which shouldn't be too much of a problem.

I've got two more birth to go for March, then hopefully I'll get a bit of a break as I only have 2 scheduled for April now. I need to paint my basement anyways! Busy, busy, busy!

Well, I should be off to bed, even though most people are waking up! Attended a very speedy delivery tonight and I couldn't be prouder of my mom and dad. They were AWESOME!

New Year?

Well it's already February and I've had a heck of few months since I last signed in. Currently I am waiting on 3 moms-to-be to deliver, all of them are overdue. I'm stressed, tired and a little worried about getting deliveres stacked one on top of the other...but if it happens I will survive. I've done it before and I'll do it again if it happens!

Did the morning show with Kim & Grant for MY 96 FM in December 2008 and it turned out to be quite fun, even though I was exhausted as I had been up all night at a delivery. Only stuck my foot in my mouth noticably on the one occasion...Monica has since forgiven me for it!

Speaking of Monica, she my new partner and just waiting for certification from DONA that she is certified. I had her running pretty good in December - 3 births in 5 days for her and 5 births in 9 days for me. At least I got to spend Christmas with my family!

I also brought on another partner in January 2009. Chantelle will be bringing in the postpartum doula end of things into Medicine Hat. At the end of the month she will attend her birth doula training, so hopefully I can get her certified by mid-April. Special Deliveries Doula Services is growing - feels like I'm a new parent all over again.

This year has been shaping up to be busier for me than last year. While I'm thrilled that more and more women are using doula services, I'm a little scared that I'll be as crazy as I was last year! Monica is proving to be very efficient at getting her own clientelle, so having her for back-up may not be what I thought it would be! But I'm thrilled to bits for her - she's such a card! Hopefully Chantelle can pick up the pieces, if not I may have to bring Sara out of maternity leave, if just for a few births.

Also finished playing with my website: http://www.medicinehatdoula.com/, added everybody and everything I was missing before - go and take a look!

I thrive on the chaos of it all though!

Today...I'm popular...

Wow...you know some days are like that, you wake up to a ringing phone and it doesn't stop ringing for hours. Good news though...one of my clients is in early labor, a couple days ahead of her due date...Kim Johnston from My 96 FM wants to conduct an on air interview about doulas next week, actually he wanted to do it tomorrow but I'm totally unsure what my client will be doing then...booked 3 more new clients for meet and greet appointments and booked one for my partner Monica as well...she's thrilled 'cuz it's twins! Hopefully I'll make my appointment tonight with exisiting clients, our last one before her due date in 2 weeks. Will soon head off to an appointment this afternoon. Nothing like cramming in 7 prenatal appointments in 4 days! Gotta love Christmas! It reeks havoc on my scheduling!

On the home front, I'm drowning in paperwork from my other job...seriously I need to get on with it before I lose my desk to reports. I'm sorta finished shopping for Christmas, nothing is wrapped yet..maybe I'll just haul the lot down and get it professionally wrapped! Christmas letters to family and friends will again not get done this year (3rd year running) as I cannot seem to find the time to do much of anything else!

Oh well...just another day in the life as a doula, a mother, a professional and a woman...