Why I am a Doula

I wanted to become a doula to be an advocate for women and their families, to remind them of the power of the female body, a mother’s inner wisdom and intuition and to support them in whatever choices they make that are right for them.  I want to be a resource to help women locate quality, accurate information as it pertains to what they wish to be more informed on.   While I cannot lead them in their decisions, be their voice, nor do the work of labour for them, I can treat women with soft words, an open heart and gentle hands to help expand and soften the path to motherhood.  I want women and their families to understand that birth is a sacred event – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually – so it should not be treated at as a means to an end.  Since birth is a journey, one that will test everything a woman thinks or knows about herself, I want women to know they are the best advocates for themselves.  As a doula I strive to be a guide to the mysteries that unfold; supporting mother, baby and their families in a loving and relaxed environment.

My personal experiences have guided me toward the doula I am today.  My first birth I was young and uneducated about pregnancy, labour, birth, breastfeeding.  I trusted the “system” to take care of me; after all, that’s what a doctor and a hospital did, wasn’t it?  Fear and pain were something to be medically managed with pain relieving drugs.  Who in their right mind would attempt childbirth without them?  My physician knew best about the changes my body was going through, he knew best about how the process of labour worked, and he knew best on how to safely deliver my child into the world.  During this birth I was so out of control. I screamed, cursed and tried to escape the fear of pain.  Nurses didn’t have the time to stand beside me to calm me so instead offered medications.  Narcotics didn’t help as they only made me woozy and nauseous.  My husband was clueless and as terrified about the whole process as I so he had no tools to try to help me.  The doctor tried to “speed up” the labour after 27 hours of being stuck at 3 cm and ruptured my membranes leading to a prolapsed cord and a stat cesarean section.  My recovery was a nightmare. Breastfeeding was difficult, my milk was delayed from the cesarean section and no one offered to help me work around my incision.  After a week, I was exclusively bottle feeding.  I was consumed by anger, frustration and rage.  I felt used, abused and discarded by a system I believed to better than what it was.  I was left bitter and resentful about the whole experience of birth.  I vowed I would never have another baby.

 When I found out I was pregnant with my second child and overcame my initial terror, I wanted things to be very different.  I spent hours trying to educate myself through books, articles, magazines, and sought out other’s advice. I journeyed and explored my rights as a patient and as a woman in her childbearing year. I gathered information on midwifery care and the benefits of doula attended birth.  I took prenatal yoga classes to blend my body, mind and spirit in preparation for birth.  I discussed my fears about pregnancy, labour, birth and breastfeeding with a counselor trying to move past my trauma and anger.  I wanted to avoid a repeat cesarean desperately so I armed myself with knowledge about VBAC and it’s benefits and risks. Through this inner growth I learned about birth plans and the benefits of breastfeeding.    Hearing the wonderful stories about doulas empowered me to find one for my birth, when at this time they were new and almost unheard of.  My doula became my lifeline. I was determined to have my body and baby work as one.  This time when labour started I became connected – I wasn’t just a vessel, I was a woman and I was strong.  I ended up being induced with pitocin at 38 weeks because of uncontrollable obstetric cholestasis (my ALT enzyme in my liver was 400% above normal - that was with medication). My labor was hard and fast but I DID it and pushed my baby into the hands of a medical student – I pushed so fast my physician was still in transit.  My husband and I were relaxed and confident in my body, our baby and our choices.  By following my birth plan and having an acceptance for the unexpected my birth felt flawless.  My doula was so helpful through all my transitions, she never judged nor lead me to my decisions but provided compelling information.  Even to this day, almost 15 years later, I have never forgotten how exhilarated I felt during that birth and after.  I owned it and I did it – on my own terms this time.  I wanted to share this new found joy of birth with other women and to help them on their paths to a enlightened childbirth experience.

These are only two of my personal and very different experiences with birth, which have led me to the path of being a doula.  I have been told I have a gift; a divine feminine energy to serve other women.  My passion as a doula is educating woman about their choices.  I strive to be an advocate for women, babies and their families; reminding women of their inner voice and birthing power.   I provide emotional and physical support during pregnancy, labour, birth, postpartum and breastfeeding.  I disseminate positive energy, confidence and love to all mothers.  I am educated about the political issues surrounding labour, birth and breastfeeding. I have had the honor and privilege to attend over nine hundred births.  This is my life’s work, for me it is a calling, and a career, and I am proud to call myself a doula.