Why I am a Doula

I wanted to become a doula to be an advocate for women and their families, to remind them of the power of the female body, a mother’s inner wisdom and intuition and to support them in whatever choices they make that are right for them.  I want to be a resource to help women locate quality, accurate information as it pertains to what they wish to be more informed on.   While I cannot lead them in their decisions, be their voice, nor do the work of labour for them, I can treat women with soft words, an open heart and gentle hands to help expand and soften the path to motherhood.  I want women and their families to understand that birth is a sacred event – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually – so it should not be treated at as a means to an end.  Since birth is a journey, one that will test everything a woman thinks or knows about herself, I want women to know they are the best advocates for themselves.  As a doula I strive to be a guide to the mysteries that unfold; supporting mother, baby and their families in a loving and relaxed environment.

My personal experiences have guided me toward the doula I am today.  My first birth I was young and uneducated about pregnancy, labour, birth, breastfeeding.  I trusted the “system” to take care of me; after all, that’s what a doctor and a hospital did, wasn’t it?  Fear and pain were something to be medically managed with pain relieving drugs.  Who in their right mind would attempt childbirth without them?  My physician knew best about the changes my body was going through, he knew best about how the process of labour worked, and he knew best on how to safely deliver my child into the world.  During this birth I was so out of control. I screamed, cursed and tried to escape the fear of pain.  Nurses didn’t have the time to stand beside me to calm me so instead offered medications.  Narcotics didn’t help as they only made me woozy and nauseous.  My husband was clueless and as terrified about the whole process as I so he had no tools to try to help me.  The doctor tried to “speed up” the labour after 27 hours of being stuck at 3 cm and ruptured my membranes leading to a prolapsed cord and a stat cesarean section.  My recovery was a nightmare. Breastfeeding was difficult, my milk was delayed from the cesarean section and no one offered to help me work around my incision.  After a week, I was exclusively bottle feeding.  I was consumed by anger, frustration and rage.  I felt used, abused and discarded by a system I believed to better than what it was.  I was left bitter and resentful about the whole experience of birth.  I vowed I would never have another baby.

 When I found out I was pregnant with my second child and overcame my initial terror, I wanted things to be very different.  I spent hours trying to educate myself through books, articles, magazines, and sought out other’s advice. I journeyed and explored my rights as a patient and as a woman in her childbearing year. I gathered information on midwifery care and the benefits of doula attended birth.  I took prenatal yoga classes to blend my body, mind and spirit in preparation for birth.  I discussed my fears about pregnancy, labour, birth and breastfeeding with a counselor trying to move past my trauma and anger.  I wanted to avoid a repeat cesarean desperately so I armed myself with knowledge about VBAC and it’s benefits and risks. Through this inner growth I learned about birth plans and the benefits of breastfeeding.    Hearing the wonderful stories about doulas empowered me to find one for my birth, when at this time they were new and almost unheard of.  My doula became my lifeline. I was determined to have my body and baby work as one.  This time when labour started I became connected – I wasn’t just a vessel, I was a woman and I was strong.  I ended up being induced with pitocin at 38 weeks because of uncontrollable obstetric cholestasis (my ALT enzyme in my liver was 400% above normal - that was with medication). My labor was hard and fast but I DID it and pushed my baby into the hands of a medical student – I pushed so fast my physician was still in transit.  My husband and I were relaxed and confident in my body, our baby and our choices.  By following my birth plan and having an acceptance for the unexpected my birth felt flawless.  My doula was so helpful through all my transitions, she never judged nor lead me to my decisions but provided compelling information.  Even to this day, almost 15 years later, I have never forgotten how exhilarated I felt during that birth and after.  I owned it and I did it – on my own terms this time.  I wanted to share this new found joy of birth with other women and to help them on their paths to a enlightened childbirth experience.

These are only two of my personal and very different experiences with birth, which have led me to the path of being a doula.  I have been told I have a gift; a divine feminine energy to serve other women.  My passion as a doula is educating woman about their choices.  I strive to be an advocate for women, babies and their families; reminding women of their inner voice and birthing power.   I provide emotional and physical support during pregnancy, labour, birth, postpartum and breastfeeding.  I disseminate positive energy, confidence and love to all mothers.  I am educated about the political issues surrounding labour, birth and breastfeeding. I have had the honor and privilege to attend over nine hundred births.  This is my life’s work, for me it is a calling, and a career, and I am proud to call myself a doula. 

Essay on Informed Decision Making

Since the health-care maternity system is a consumer-orientated operation concerned with attracting mothers and keeping them healthy and satisfied, you would think that more effort would go into helping these women make informed decisions about their care.  However, those who serve the medical system are not always vigilant in supporting the needs and wishes of their patients and institute policies that could potentially conflict with these choices.  Informed-decision making creates a partnership, or shared-care, with regards to the relationship between patient and healthcare provider. As mothers learn about childbirth, they can begin to understand their options and develop necessary skills.  This approach builds confidence and self-esteem and promotes growth to both the individual and as a mother.  The process of each mother’s education is a joint venture in which the mother helps determine what she needs to know and how much information she will need to truly be informed.

An informed mother is an advocate for health consumerism.  When weighing the risks involved in medications or medical interventions, caregivers may at times interject subjectivity in to the decisions and patients need to understand this to truly make informed choices.  This is perhaps based on tradition or accepted practice, but this subjectivity can be a cause for disagreement concerning the best of course of treatment for a given situation.  The fear of malpractice claims is a great motivator in such subjective approaches.  Therefore;  informed decision-making and informed consent benefits both parties.  By gaining as much information as possible, gathering evidence-based facts, weighing the pros, cons, risks and benefits about a recommended treatment and exploring other alternatives and possible outcomes, the mother is able to offer knowledgeable and responsible input.  Mothers then can be more actively involved in making decisions and in guiding the course of their treatment for themselves and their babies.  This also enables healthcare providers to broaden their perspectives based on consumer input.

Informed decision-making means the patient consents or declines treatment based on sufficient information and education.  Since education is the key, patients must take the initiative to self-education and discovery of what choices are right for them based on a variety of situations.  The majority of medical situations allow adequate time for the mother to seek answers and to ask questions, but she needs to know which questions to ask and what answers to seek.  A mother has the right to: understand what she is giving consent to; to understand the benefits and risks of any particular medication or intervention and how if will affect her, the baby and her labour; if there are any alternative methods that can be tried; to know if this procedure is medically indicated, why it’s being suggested, if it is elective, new or experimental; to have her questions answered completely and courteously; to seek another medical opinion and to accept or refuse treatment based on the best evidence-based practice.  Informed decision-making is not a prerequisite for quality healthcare.  However, it does increase the chances for positive outcomes for the mother who has accepted the responsibility for becoming knowledgeable and actively involved in the management of her pregnancy, birth and postpartum care.

Until recently, many mothers had felt they had few choices about their experiences, with hospital and physician policies dictating the course their care.  Real change happens when an awareness and attitude shift occurs, either among healthcare providers or with their patients.  This is where support services can play an enormous role in educating and advocating for information in the choices available to women and how to help them succeed in creating a positive environment of communication with their care providers.  One of the primary roles of support is to encourage mothers to be active participants in the care they receive and to take responsibility for their actions.  Sometimes this shift in mentality encourages a change in care provider or paves the way for an understanding with a present one.  My primary goal in providing support services would be to educate and locate resources about evidence-based practices in birth for my client through reading material, conversations, classes, online resources and prenatal meetings.

However, it is important to determine how informed a woman is in her choices, if at all, before bombarding her with information and resources.  Some mothers may be unaccustomed to questioning a statement or suggestion made by their healthcare provider.  A mother not accustomed to being actively involved in her care may need more guidance in how to effectively approach her care provider to ensure a positive interaction and a healthy working relationship.  Presenting facts to a mother will help her discover options that best suit her needs and goals and begin the learning process on how to make informed decisions.  By helping a mother develop her awareness of her rights and responsibilities, she’ll gain confidence in herself, the process of birth and her maternal instincts.   For the mother that is already well versed in dealing with her healthcare provider through informed decision-making, my support services would  be more to help her clarify her wants and needs.  By facilitating her empowerment through my words and actions, I can encourage her to further growth and continued belief in her abilities.

Since every birth is unique, so will be my approach to each and every woman I support.  Every woman has an array of experiences and resources that make her needs different from another.  Respect will be given to each woman’s background, cultural diversity and personality.  This personalized approach with every mother – one that assesses her needs, capitalizes on her strengths and praises her accomplishments – will lead to a mother’s satisfaction in both her communication with her care provider and in her birth experience.  By facilitating this growth through words and actions, my belief is that a mother will trust her instincts in birth, ask questions and seek the best care for herself and her baby through informed decision-making.

To summarize, informed decision-making is the responsibility of both the mother and the healthcare provider to develop a relationship based on communication and trust.  The more exposure a mother has to asking questions, seeking educational opportunities through written and online resources and receives the support she needs to find her voice, the more positive the experience will be regardless of interventions or method of birth.  And sometimes, the attitude towards out-dated practices, policies and procedures are changed, due to the educated and informed patient for the benefit of others.

Miss Understood

I’m an introvert and I like it...


I am tired of being misunderstood.  I’m tired of other people thinking I’m intimidating, arrogant and anti-social. I’m tired of people thinking if I just tried a bit harder I’d really love social gatherings and engaging in hours of directionless conversation.  I'm tired of being tired...


Simply put introverts are drained by socialization...it takes a lot out of me when I do it.  The world in which we live seems to reward and praise the extrovert, even if it borders on what I, an introvert, would consider manic!  And people think I’M crazy!


Honestly, large social gatherings aren’t particularly fun for me, albeit with friends, family or strangers. I am not missing out on anything. I don’t miss it because I don’t want it. This is how introverts feel about social situations. If I wanted to hang out with a dozen people at once, engage in mindless chit-chat for hours, believe me I would.  Even my husband’s family, which is extremely large, doesn’t get me, and I’ve been involved with them for 20 years! 


This is not to say I am not social. It’s just that I take socialization in little pieces and prefer to be more situationally sensitive. I excel at one-to-one interaction.  Any client of mine will tell you that.  Give me a laboring woman and…HELLO…I come alive!  I prefer solo activities which engage my mind. This doesn’t mean I never hang out or participate in large groups; it’s just that unlike an extrovert, I don’t need to. And that’s an important distinction.


So don’t be confused or misunderstand my behavior. I have a very vast, rich and full life. I have a wonderful family.  I’m into birth, babies, families, running a doula business and interacting with wonderful, thoughtful people. I do go out to great restaurants, see fabulous concerts and shows, and enjoy hanging out with my family and a few close friends.  I read.  I think.  I spend hours listening; it’s amazing what you hear on the wind and what floats back when you keep your mouth shut.  Sometimes the things I hear about myself hurt…devastatingly so.


So I’ve put together a list for dealing with me. These are general tendencies and patterns. I don’t care if you follow them; I just want you to understand them and therefore; me...


1. Don’t put me on the spot and expect me to perform.


This one is mainly for other adults. I can be somewhat awkward in social situations, so don’t misinterpret my behavior as a deficiency in hearing, sight or language processing.  I’m not an idiot and I’m not being a bitch. When you ask a question there may be a delay in my response and I could talk in a soft monotone, avoiding eye contact. When I’m comfortable with my surroundings I’m extremely verbal and my tone is very expressive.  I have a photographic memory but I need quiet to activate it.


2. Don’t throw me into complex social situations and expect anything but silence and withdrawal. At least at first.


To an introvert this is a no brainer. To an extroverted world an introvert‘s natural response to social stress can be misinterpreted as aloofness or arrogance. It is neither. I simply feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed. I eventually warm up, let me.


3. I need time to get used to you. Don’t take it personally if I don’t immediately engage you because you said hi.


Introverts need time to warm up to someone. Once they let you in, they can be quite talkative and physically demonstrative. Until then though, don’t expect much. I am not being rude and it has nothing to do with how I feel about you personally.  Be patient.  I’ll eventually talk your ear off.


4. I recharge my batteries by being alone. Don’t take offense if I leave and go off by myself for a while.


I have been known to disappear at family functions, conferences or even workshops during sessions, lunch, coffee breaks or when I feel overwhelmed.  I am not being anti-social.  I process information internally. I need to look inward to find my center and make sense of new information or an unfamiliar situation. An extrovert looks externally to accomplish the same thing. It’s really not a big deal...I always come back!


Introverts are like layers in an onion. You just have to be patient. Some onions are just harder to peel than others.  And I have many, many layers.  You'd be surprised at what you find when you start to shed them...